


Hamster Porn

by zsomeone



Category: Metalocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-25
Updated: 2009-03-25
Packaged: 2018-03-16 16:13:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3494741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Toki wants some hamsters now</p><p>I’ve noticed that I tend to write too much Toki-centered stuff. Oh well I give up, Toki it is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hamster Porn

The internet is a hazardous place. Even though they all knew that Toki was amused by some pretty strange things, they were still a bit shocked to learn of his latest interest. And WHY did he have to bring it up in the hot tub of all places?! Well on second thought, there just really is no such thing as a good place to bring up some things.

“Guess what I finds on the internets today......” Oh, were they really supposed to guess? “Um, Skwisgaar’s mom?” Skwisgaar decided to just pretend he didn’t hear that. “Noes... well maybe... but that’s not what I’m talkin’ about. I found a whole lots of hamster porns! Hamster porns is the coolest, I wants to make some too! I’m going to buys me some hamsters tomorrow!”

There was a lot of.... silence. And avoiding of each other’s eyes. Toki looked disappointed, “Have you ever even seen hamster porns?” Pickles decided to answer, “Um yeah, I think we’ve seen pretty much every kind of porn there is.” Nathan was still trying to process this one. “So you want to buy hamsters. So you can make hamster porn.” “Yep. You guys wants to help?”

Pickles shook his head, “Jest not drunk enough for this.” Nathan was shaking his head too, “Uh, no way. Sorry Toki.” Murderface had stuck his fingers in his ears and was pretending he hadn’t even heard that. Toki passed over him, looking at Skwisgaar, “Skwisgaar, you’s my last hope. Will you helps me make hamster porns? Please please please?” 

Skwisgaar gave a little shudder, then sighed, “Okay Toki, if it means that much to you, I will helps you makes de hamster porns.” Toki squeaked and threw his arms around Skwisgaar’s neck, causing Murderface to object, “Hey! No hugging in the hot tub! That’sh really gay.”

****

Toki insisted on showing everyone his hamsters. They were cute, but.... that kind of made it worse, in a way. Pickles tapped on the cage, causing them to look up. “Dude, why’d ya get two anyway?” “Because I wants two. Because I _needs_ two.” Murderface stood up. “Well Shwisgaar, have fun helping Toki. I’m going to go try to drink that image out of my head.” Nathan and Pickles followed him out of the room.

Toki looked hurt, “What’s their problems? Hamster porn is the coolest!” “Wells Little Toki, some peoples just aren’t as open minded as we’s ares. You sures you really wants to does this?” “Ya, of course. I has the camera in my room, we can do it theres.” He started off, and Skwisgaar reluctantly followed him. Of all the possible kinks out there, it had to be _hamsters_?!

****

Toki set down the cage, and turned on all the lights. He’d even brought in some of the butler’s lamps so it would be nice and bright. Skwisgaar surveyed the room, spotting a cardboard tube some model parts had come in that looked to be about the right size. “Toki? Will the hamsters fits through dis?” “Maybe. Puts it in the cage, see if they goes through it.”

Not only did the hamsters fit, they seemed to find it great fun to squeeze through the tube. Then they tried to go in opposite ends and got stuck, one having to finally give up and back out. Toki was laughing as he watched them. Skwisgaar was really wondering just _why_ he even agreed to this. Toki reached in and took the tube out, after shaking a stubborn hamster out the end.

“We makes the porns now?” Skwisgaar sighed, “Okay fines. Takes your pants off.” Toki looked a little confused, but complied. Skwisgaar reluctantly picked up the tube, this really wasn’t his thing. But if it’s what Toki really wanted.... “Just bend over your beds, I guess.” Skwisgaar, realizing that he couldn’t just shove the tube in, spit on his fingers and stuck one in Toki’s ass. 

Toki jumped up, whirling around with wide eyes. “Skwisgaar! Whats the fuck?!!”  
“Well Toki, the tube it too bigs, I has to stretch you some so it will fits.”  
“ _Whys_ would you wants to do that?!!”  
“Pfft, how elses is you going to get the hamsters in theres?”  
“SKWISGAAR!!! WHY’S THE FUCK WOULD I WANTS HAMSTERS IN MY BUTT?!!!”

Skwisgaar was very confused, but also relieved. “Because dat’s the way you makes hamster porns? I thoughts you was watching dis stuff.” Toki was staring at him in shock. “Peoples.... put these in their butts? WHYS?!” Skwisgaar shrugged, “Because it wiggles around and feels good? I don’t knows, I never tries it.”

Toki grabbed his laptop and turned it on. Opening a video, he wordlessly pointed to the screen. Skwisgaar found himself watching two hamsters.... having sex.... in their cage. No people. No cardboard tubes. Just hamsters mating. Oh, hamster porns, now he understood. Oops. But then why- “Toki, why did you takes your pants off den?” Toki shrugged, “Don’t know, didn’t thinks, just did it.”

“Toki, put your pants back on. I think we needs to go show everyone that de hamsters are nots in your butt. They will feels much better I thinks.”  
“But we’s supposed to be making porns....”  
“I don’t think they’s in the moods right now. I helps you later, okays?”  
“Okays.” Toki smiled at him, picked up the hamster cage, and together they left the room.

**Author's Note:**

> If you go to youtube and type in “hamsters having sex” or “hamster porn”, it’s disturbing how many people post this. (It’s pretty boring, so why?) But anyway, why not Toki too?


End file.
